http://www.peerpressurecreative.com/feeds/norrisfeed.xml Chuck Norris! Sat, 20 Sep 2008 09:37:00 GMT en-us Sat, 20 Sep 2008 09:37:00 GMT If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. Sun, 21 Sep 2008 10:17:00 GMT Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song. Mon, 22 Sep 2008 10:37:00 GMT Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:37:00 GMT There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Wed, 24 Sep 2008 10:43:00 GMT Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. Thurs, 25 Sep 2008 10:43:00 GMT Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Fri, 26 Sep 2008 11:21:00 GMT Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:37:00 GMT Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip. Sun, 28 Sep 2008 11:33:00 GMT Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:37:00 GMT Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. Tue, 30 Sep 2008 12:13:00 GMT When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Wed, 01 Oct 2008 21:43:00 GMT Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Thurs, 2 Oct 2008 10:43:00 GMT There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Fri, 03 Oct 2008 11:13:00 GMT Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:37:00 GMT Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Tue, 07 Oct 2008 09:27:00 GMT Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:08:00 GMT There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. Thurs, 09 Oct 2008 12:43:00 GMT When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. Fri, 10 Oct 2008 11:13:00 GMT Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Mon, 13 Oct 2008 12:24:00 GMT Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. Tue, 14 Oct 2008 15:37:00 GMT Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Wed, 15 Oct 2008 19:18:00 GMT Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Thurs, 16 Oct 2008 12:18:00 GMT Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Fri, 17 Oct 2008 16:13:00 GMT Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost. Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:37:00 GMT Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. Tue, 21 Oct 2008 11:37:00 GMT Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Wed, 22 Oct 2008 11:02:00 GMT Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People. Thurs, 23 Oct 2008 16:18:00 GMT The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain. Fri, 24 Oct 2008 11:43:00 GMT Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. Mon, 27 Oct 2008 12:37:00 GMT The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer. Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:37:00 GMT Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Wed, 29 Oct 2008 11:02:00 GMT Guns carry him for protection Thurs, 30 Oct 2008 12:18:00 GMT Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING. Fri, 31 Oct 2008 10:03:00 GMT Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. Mon, 03 Nov 2008 10:23:00 GMT Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Tue, 04 Nov 2008 11:37:00 GMT Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down. Wed, 05 Nov 2008 11:04:00 GMT Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. Thurs, 06 Nov 2008 13:22:00 GMT The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. Fri, 07 Nov 2008 11:16:00 GMT Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Mon, 10 Nov 2008 10:05:00 GMT Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous. Tue, 11 Nov 2008 11:48:00 GMT If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:22:00 GMT When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever. Thurs, 13 Nov 2008 13:22:00 GMT The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. Fri, 14 Nov 2008 12:20:00 GMT Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear. Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:05:00 GMT CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time. Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:41:00 GMT Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:21:00 GMT Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Thurs, 20 Nov 2008 13:22:00 GMT What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe. Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:20:00 GMT Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:51:00 GMT Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide. Tue, 25 Nov 2008 16:49:00 GMT Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. Wed, 26 Nov 2008 16:28:00 GMT Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:17:00 GMT A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Thurs, 04 Dec 2008 11:50:00 GMT Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Mon, 08 Dec 2008 12:48:00 GMT Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Tue, 09 Dec 2008 20:12:00 GMT If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. Wed, 10 Dec 2008 19:52:00 GMT Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Thurs, 11 Dec 2008 13:21:00 GMT Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face. Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:07:00 GMT The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade. Mon, 15 Dec 2008 11:26:00 GMT Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Tue, 16 Dec 2008 14:12:00 GMT Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Wed, 17 Dec 2008 19:52:00 GMT Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Thurs, 18 Dec 2008 16:21:00 GMT Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Fri, 19 Dec 2008 17:07:00 GMT Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. Mon, 22 Dec 2008 11:11:00 GMT Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises. Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:12:00 GMT Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. Wed, 24 Dec 2008 12:49:00 GMT In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer. Wed, 31 Dec 2008 12:04:00 GMT Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?" Mon, 05 Jan 2009 21:09:00 GMT In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer. Tue, 06 Jan 2009 18:21:00 GMT Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Thurs, 08 Jan 2009 15:07:00 GMT Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. Fri, 09 Jan 2009 16:09:00 GMT Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths. Thurs, 15 Jan 2009 18:17:00 GMT The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. Thurs, 22 Jan 2009 15:10:00 GMT Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery." Fri, 20 Feb 2009 13:09:00 GMT When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:36:00 GMT Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Tue, 10 Mar 2009 12:40:00 GMT Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. (dedicated to KS) Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:40:00 GMT Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. Thurs, 12 Mar 2009 14:17:00 GMT Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:50:00 GMT Chuck Norris's calender goes from March 31 to April 2... Nobody fools Chuck Norris! Tue, 01 Sept 2009 12:51:00 GMT When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. Mon, 28 Sept 2009 10:14:00 GMT There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team"... not even close.