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Chuck Norris tried using WordPress.com once on 2/18/2010. The system could not handle his beard and was unavailable for 110 minutes.
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Loading ...Cross Browser Compliant
Chuck Norris is 100% cross browser compliant, including IE6.
(+1 rating) Loading ...Team
There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
(+3 rating) Loading ...Wendy’s
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
(+3 rating) Loading ...April Fools
Chuck Norris’s calendar goes from March 31 to April 2… Nobody fools Chuck Norris!
(+1 rating) Loading ...Big Bang
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Can Believe
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
(+2 rating) Loading ...Poker-Face
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green …
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Lance Armstrong
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Donate Blood
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Lord of the Rings
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, “Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery.”
(+1 rating) Loading ...Civilization 4
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
(+2 rating) Loading ...Shower
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
(+1 rating) Loading ...Theory of Relativity
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. …
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Time
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...DNA
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Bible
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
(+1 rating) Loading ...Warm-up Exercises
Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Chuck Norris’s warm-up exercises.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Horse
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Worst Mistake
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...NASA
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed …
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Bang
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Saving Private Ryan
The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
(+1 rating) Loading ...Fool Chuck Norris
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Street Fighter II
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Scrabble
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Texas Chain Saw Massacre
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Statehood
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Handicapped Parking
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Laundry
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Butter
Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Code 45-11
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Tennis
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
(+1 rating) Loading ...His Shoe
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Three 72 oz. Steaks
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Connect Four
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...CNN
CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Twelfth Ingredient
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken’s famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Chuck Norris’ Fist
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Taxes
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...What Time is it?
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
(+1 rating) Loading ...Chromosomes
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Most Venomous
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of …
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...The Great Wall of China
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
(+1 rating) Loading ...Godzilla
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Crop Circles
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Roundhouse Kick
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Pepper Spray
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Hunting
Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting… CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Guns
Guns carry him for protection.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Ice Cream Truck
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Cause of Death
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Two Speeds
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Chief Export
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Guns
Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
(+1 rating) Loading ...Chucktatorship
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Soviet Union
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Frostbite
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Revolving Door
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Time
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Horse
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Royal Flush
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...So Fast
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Push Up
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Chin
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Infinity
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Waits
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Outer Space
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Theory of Evolution
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Books
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Boogeyman
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Two Stones
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Myspace
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Potato Chip
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Sneeze
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Law and Order
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Periodic Table
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Control
There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Waldo
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Apple iTunes
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...5 Dollars
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
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